ok so two 3 hour exams in one day is too much. much too much. i am a vegetable. 1st one went ok. second one was ball ache. i am going to go and drink wine until i fall over which will probably be after about one glass.
things i am really happy about:
only having 5 exams to go
my laptop battery working, miraculously
it being saturday night
having a full pack of cigs
the fact that the wall exists
it not raining
brain feels like soup. i go drink now.
i was just looking through some old photos, photos of good times with friends. kinda reminds me that there’s so much that’s more important than this, so much more important than how shocking the exams will be tomorrow.
who cares?
less self doubt.
more communication.
this is a cyclical resolution. the less you self doubt, the more pertinent problems present themselves and are opened for discussion. the more you comminicate, the less little niggles and doubts become a problem.
being awesome is hard, but someone’s gotta do it :D
so my best friend, who i won’t have seen for over a year, is coming back from australia the day before i leave the fucking country for 6 weeks.
WHAT IS THIS?! I miss her so much. so much. I just can’t deal with being apart for another 6 weeks. I hate it. I hate myself for not being around, even though I can’t help it. Then we’ll be back to Uni when i’m back from fucking about with rocks.
What is the point of life if you can’t spend it with the people you love?! Why am I here? What am I doing, fannying about in this stupid city, to get a stupid degree which I don’t even want or need?
Life is about loving, laughing, sharing time together. I miss you both so much.
just under two weeks until my first exam. gonna kill it for 13 days, then i’ll know stuff and do my exams. life will go on. i can’t wait to see you, don’t go too far off the rails, it’s nearly over now.
i saw an article in a newspaper about ghost towns today. i want to go to them with you, all of them. we could do a world tour of ghost towns and just fill them up with all the love. i feel like i could melt antarctica with all the warmth i have for you at the moment, and i love it. i’m not scared, i don’t feel trapped. it’s just… great.
i got the job.
i turned it down, dates don’t work and stuff. would have been pretty good, but the whole “you must be in your room from 11pm til 7:30am” thing freaked me OUT… what is that? i’m 20. not 12.
so anyway, it’s back to the oak for me this summer. normality. i can. not. wait. normality, hanging out with tom, planning my mapping project. looking forward to summer so much.
essay time. today is going to be a good day.
just left a really enlightening, interesting lecture about the history of the pill. the lecturer, who is usually great but was on top form today, finished off with a particularly interesting point. she was at university in manchester when they were doing trials on a male contraceptive pill. after the first day, one of the subjects said they couldn’t go on with the trial, citing “unexplained sadness” and “crying when he broke a plate accidentally”. yes, it’s humorous coming from a man, but had a women said the same thing, no-one would have batted an eyelid. why do we put up with this, why is it the norm, when men find it intolerable? is it the case, that as the third generation of pill-takers, we’re so accepting of the pills adverse emotional effects that we are preventing research into a male contraceptive pill? would men take a daily pill reliably? it’d inevitably be the responsibility of the women for an accidental pregnancy, so why should they? is the detachment of consequences too much to overcome?
me and my friends made a comic book.
really though, it’s update time isn’t it. i’m still vegetarian. i haven’t been for a run in ages. i’ve taken to writing poetry when i’m drunk. i’m sort of doing some revision but not much. i had a job interview and even though it’s a well kushty deal, i hated the interviewer so much i really hope i don’t get it so i don’t have to work with her. i’m oscillating between hating cambridge and having a nice time. i will inevitably hate it tomorrow because no-one will bother to vote and i will spend the day feeling my soul drain away everytime someone says they don’t care. for intellegent people, cambridge students are inexcusably nonchalant about human and environmental issues. i guess if you’re going to be in the top tier of society why would you care? or maybe i’m just insufferably prosaic.
in other news there’s a picture of me naked in the geology department library. i love my course.
Everyone else will be like:
Meanwhile I’m just like:
i’m really horny but there’s no-one to fuck so i’m making mineral flash cards and eating undercooked aldi pasta parcels and trying not to think about sex.
in other news i got paid £11.50 for medical research today. small victories.
